BY ALL MEANS...BE TIRED!
TO A FRIEND IN MENOPAUSE

by Susan Florence

“There is a rich life after the hot flashes and the exhaustion -- it is our own new life!”  Susan Florence

Menopause. Otherwise referred to by our mothers as “the change.” They didn’t talk about it though. They just somehow “got through it.”
As a woman in my 50s, I found that as I went through menopause, I wanted to talk about it. I talked deeply about menopause -- about how I was feeling and how I needed more time alone. The people who would listen, reveal and share were of course, women my age. It was astounding to me that women I didn’t even know would help me by sharing so much about themselves and their experience.

This deep thought allowed me to accept, grow and learn from whatever I am going through in my life. From this, came a letter of encouragement to a friend going through menopause.

Dear Friend,
You say you are tired and want to sleep for three months. But you can’t. You lie awake at night and worry about nothing, about everything. You had people over, but you couldn’t prepare your easiest dinner and didn’t talk much that night. You feel your heart missing a beat and speeding up. You go to see the doctor.

I remember my bones aching way before I was aware of this time of change. I would wake up wet all over and have to change my nightwear. A few times I was even dizzy. I thought I had something growing in my head. I urinated all the time. The doctor, a young woman, said I was fine. Twenty books and 200 hot flashes later I knew it was menopause.

I tried to go through this time naturally. Chinese herbs, licorice tea, Vitamin E, soy, black cohosh, yoga and pilates. But nothing seemed to work. I still had to stick my head in front of the freezer every so often and tossing the covers all night made for exhausting days.
My friend, there is meaning in these changes. This time of menopause is the second time in our lives when we are becoming ready to give birth -- only this time to our self.  We are women. We were chosen to have life grow within us. And love grows as life grows so that when our baby is born, so too is a love so strong and deep and passionate, that we are never the same.  Since we were preteens, our bodies were preparing to give birth. This monthly cycle is the price we pay to have possible within us the miracle of giving birth. And now as this cycle winds down we have many physical changes.
You say you are so exhausted and can’t do all the things you used to do. Maybe you were doing too much all along. By all means, be tired. You need rest and sleep. It’s a part of your awakening. Take a nap. Take a break. Listen to yourself. This strange time and all your symptoms and emotions are completely unique to you. Take advantage of this new time in your life to be mindful, to watch a flower open, to really listen to beautiful music, to take a class in stretching. You will begin to see the process in the things you do instead of racing through them. You will begin to realize how very valuable time is, with whom you spend it with, and how you spend it. 

As a woman who has gone through menopause, I have given birth to my new self, the one who is not so much the body, as the soul.  The one who can rest when I am tired and order out dinner instead of cooking.  The one who can be quiet when everyone is talking and can feel the joy in listening.  The one who notices the beauty of pink blossoms opening on the cherry trees and smells the sweet scent of lilacs.  The one who allows life to move through me, instead of the other one, who hurriedly moves through life.

The end of this cycle is here. The ability to give birth to another is no longer. Now is the time for change. As women, we become new with change. We are the embodiment of change. I think of you my friend, during this time of change, full of meaning -- deep and sacred.
This is just the beginning.

(Susan Florence is author and illustrator of The Journeys Series, a collection of giftbooks to help us find meaning along the journey of our lives. One title, Time Alone will inspire those in search of calm and renewal. Visit www.SusanFlorence.com .
“By All Means… Be Tired! To A Friend in Menopauase” by Susan Florence ©2005 Susan Florence.)